kiwi beta

kiwi — 6/30/2025, 2:17:05 PM

the kiwi late discrimination has been corrected!

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election — 6/30/2025, 6:28:08 AM

VOTE UNDER THIS POST BY Monday, July 7th 2025.

One vote per person (including if you’re running), no changing your vote (unless your choice gets disqualified)

You can vote for the following candidates:

• @wannaberose for President, @salad for Vice President

• @oren for President, @grunklebillsback for Vice President

• @v1 for President, @Gabriel for Vice President

• @the-owlsss for President, @radi8 for Vice President

• @pufferfish101007 for President, @grahamsh for Vice President

• @kiwi for President, @late for Vice President

• 🦞

♥ 32 ↩ 7 💬 208 comments

kiwi — 6/30/2025, 1:03:38 PM

nah the kiwi late discrimination is insane 😔

↩ repost

election — 6/30/2025, 6:28:08 AM

VOTE UNDER THIS POST BY Monday, July 7th 2025.

One vote per person (including if you’re running), no changing your vote (unless your choice gets disqualified)

You can vote for the following candidates:

• @wannaberose for President, @salad for Vice President

• @oren for President, @grunklebillsback for Vice President

• @v1 for President, @Gabriel for Vice President

• @the-owlsss for President, @radi8 for Vice President

• @pufferfish101007 for President, @grahamsh for Vice President

• @kiwi for President, @late for Vice President

• 🦞

♥ 32 ↩ 7 💬 208 comments

kiwi — 6/29/2025, 10:54:45 PM

i accidentally have the same idea as blaze and suddenly i’m accused of plagiarism 🥀

can’t we just all get along and agree that society needs free, easy, universal, and convenient access to breakfast foods?

kiwi — 6/29/2025, 3:55:44 PM

Just wanna gauge the room real quick - do you guys think it’s unfair for @leaks to be my nomination for Secretary of State? And if so, who do you think I should nominate for that position instead?

kiwi — 6/28/2025, 8:17:21 PM

i make a couple of jokes about pancakes and waffles about a year ago and suddenly that’s the hot topic in everyone’s presidential campaigns 🥀

that said, as your president, i’ll eradicate the waffle and pancake tax and instead offer a free program where you can obtain unlimited waffles and pancakes if you so choose

kiwi — 6/28/2025, 4:32:54 PM

Official Manifesto of Promises and Stuff Part II

(not at my computer right now so I can’t do the fancy photo editing I did last time)

As your President, I’ll:

1. Resolve disputes on the pronunciation of “quinoa”, “caramel”, “gif”, and “soup” so the world can tackle the real issues

2. Feed the hungry via extremely nutritious parmesan cheese

3. Task the Housing department to construct the Heroin House, a new governmental building that will sit right next door to the Crack House

4. The FitnessGram™ Pacer Test is a multistage aerobic capacity test that progressively gets more difficult as it continues. The 20 meter pacer test will begin in 30 seconds. Line up at the start. The running speed starts slowly, but gets faster each minute after you hear this signal. [beep] A single lap should be completed each time you hear this sound. [ding] Remember to run in a straight line, and run as long as possible. The second time you fail to complete a lap before the sound, your test is over. The test will begin on the word start. On your mark, get ready, start.

5. Go back in time to the first Thanksgiving to get turkeys off the menu. That’s right, as your President, I’m going back in time to the first Thanksgiving to get turkeys off the menu.

6. Make the Wii Phone a reality

7. Have Secretary of State @leaks help me fix a leak in my bathroom sink

8. Task the Energy Department with devising a new eco-friendly energy source (I’m thinking Parmesan cheese)

kiwi — 6/28/2025, 3:10:05 AM

Do not lose time on daily trivialities. Do not dwell on petty detail. For all of these things melt away, and drift apart within the obscure traffic of time.

Live well, and live broadly. You are alive and living now. Now is the envy of all of the dead.

- don hertzfeldt

kiwi — 6/28/2025, 1:44:11 AM

With that said, thanks for the advice - as your president, I will feed the hungry via extremely nutritious parmesan cheese.

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kiwi — 6/28/2025, 1:37:22 AM

As Kiwi, I denounce this smear campaign started by the Kiwi Party, a party I didn’t start and have no leadership with. As for the lying thing, uhhh I’ll try not to do that either.

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owl — 6/28/2025, 1:20:49 AM

This is a smear campaign designed to slander my image ran by the Kiwi party. Unlike the Kiwi party, however, I will never lie to you as president. I will hold the government 100% accountable for their actions, and will be completely transparent about what's going on in this platform.

#Owlsss2025

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thrat — 6/27/2025, 11:54:47 PM

Why is nobody talking about this???

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kiwi — 6/28/2025, 1:37:22 AM

As Kiwi, I denounce this smear campaign started by the Kiwi Party, a party I didn’t start and have no leadership with. As for the lying thing, uhhh I’ll try not to do that either.

↩ repost

owl — 6/28/2025, 1:20:49 AM

This is a smear campaign designed to slander my image ran by the Kiwi party. Unlike the Kiwi party, however, I will never lie to you as president. I will hold the government 100% accountable for their actions, and will be completely transparent about what's going on in this platform.

#Owlsss2025

↩ repost

thrat — 6/27/2025, 11:54:47 PM

Why is nobody talking about this???

♥ 9 ↩ 2 💬 8 comments

♥ 4 ↩ 1 💬 0 comments