A man is smoking a cigarette and blowing smoke rings into the air. His girlfriend becomes irritated with the smoke and says "Can't you see the warning on the cigarette pack? Smoking is hazardous to your health!" to which the man replies, "I am a programmer. We don't worry about warnings; we only worry about errors."
I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day!
How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it.
Java and C were telling jokes. It was C's turn, so he writes something on the wall, points to it and says "Do you get the reference?" But Java didn't.
A programmer puts two glasses on his bedside table before going to sleep.
A full one, in case he gets thirsty, and an empty one, in case he doesn't.
A byte walks into a bar looking miserable.
The bartender asks it: "What's wrong buddy?"
"Parity error." it replies.
"Ah that makes sense, I thought you looked a bit off."
// This line doesn't actually do anything, but the code stops working when I delete it.
Being a self-taught developer is almost the same as being a cut neck chicken because you have no sense of direction in the beginning.
"Can I tell you a TCP joke?"
"Please tell me a TCP joke."
"OK, I'll tell you a TCP joke."
Two C strings walk into a bar.
The bartender asks "What can I get ya?"
The first string says "I'll have a gin and tonic."
The second string thinks for a minute, then says "I'll take a tequila sunriseJF()#$JF(#)$(@J#()$@#())!*FNIN!OBN134ufh1ui34hf9813f8h8384h981h3984h5F!##@"
The first string apologizes, "You'll have to excuse my friend, he's not null-terminated."
"We messed up the keming again guys."
A SQL statement walks into a bar and sees two tables.
It approaches, and asks "may I join you?"
Algorithm: A word used by programmers when they don't want to explain how their code works.
ASCII silly question, get a silly ANSI.
"Knock, knock."
"Who's there?"
[very long pause]
"Java."