By The Wasted Onion: Kim Jong Un Asks U.S. And Israel To Strike North Korea So He Can Join In
PYONGYANG, NORTH KOREA—In a rare statement from the totalitarian dictatorship regarding the ongoing Iran war, Supreme Leader of North Korea Kim Jong Un has asked the United States and Israel to airstrike his nation so that he can join in on the war. "Israel's military attack on Iran, launched under the U.S. active support and patronage, and the military action of the U.S. which joined in it are an illegal act of aggression and the most despicable form of violation of sovereignty. That is why the DPRK is requesting that Israel and the U.S. conduct military action against the DPRK so it can join in," said a statement attributed to an unnamed Foreign Ministry spokesperson that is just Kim Jong Un in a trench coat. "The DPRK condemns in the strongest tone the shameless rogue act of the U.S. and Israel which put their domestic law before the recognized international law. The DPRK also condemns the horrific act of the U.S. and Israel leaving the DPRK out of their war plans. With that in mind, the DPRK demands the U.S. and Israel immediately aim its appetite for tyranny at the DPRK so it may finally have a jaunt in this evolving war in the Middle East, all it requires is a few airstrikes and dead civilians." Soon after the release of its statement, satellite imagery showed North Korean officials painting red targets to help U.S.-Israel servicemembers aim their airstrikes at population centres, with messages like "bomb here!" written in Korean. At press time, Israel had giddily launched 5 intercontinental ballistic missiles towards North Korea before U.S. leaders had a chance to weigh the potential ramifications of instigating war with the Kim regime.
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