Hello, my fellow Wasteofers! It has been brought to my attention that my fellow candidate, Tall Peter, was gun downed and assassinated.
I'll tell you, people. Violence has NO place in a democracy! If I was president, I would make sure every candidate is given the upmost security! My heart truely goes out to the affected family.
On the (very likely) chance that I and my running mate, radi8, are elected, we will work ceaselessly to make sure whoever did this is brought to justice, and that this event never happens again!
Alright, I said my shit. Personally, I think it was deserved, or at least, he had it coming. He knew what he was doing, threatening the Wasted Onion like that. What? What do you mean I'm still on air?
He wasn’t gunned down, it was a single shot
save it for the judge