By The Wasted Onion: G7 Nations Launch Minecraft Multiplayer Server
KANANASKIS, CANADA—Beside his fellow G7 leaders ready to make a historic announcement, Canadian Prime Minister Mark Carney said the G7 member nations have agreed to launch a Minecraft multiplayer survival server. “The world requires that we speak in one, unified voice. We agreed the best way to do this was by launching a cool as hell Minecraft server,” said Mr. Carney. “I am thrilled to get stuck into building the Eiffel Tower to show the beauty of France in block form,” said French President Emmanuel Macron, with German Chancellor Friedrich Merz adding that he will “contribute German efficiency to the collection of diamonds.” Mere days after concluding the summit, G7 leaders logged onto the server for the first time, with Macron and Merz being joined by Italian Prime Minister Giorgia Meloni, European Commission President Ursula von der Leyen, and European Council President António Costa to go mining while British Prime Minister Keir Starmer stayed at spawn, claiming he didn’t want to “join the European single mining market.” Elsewhere, Japanese Prime Minister Shigeru Ishiba and Carney returned from the Nether to place a dried Ghast into water, hoping to build flag poles taller than the ones recently installed at the White House. At press time, U.S. President Donald Trump ventured into the End with full golden armour and tools to fight the Ender Dragon, resulting in him dying instantly before rage quitting.
Is it true that Iran is gathering gunpowder to make explosive weapons?
Our sources based in Iran have indicated to us that the regime has begun gathering something far more terrifying than any other weapon on Earth: Nerf guns.