New Clearblue Test Comes With Flight Voucher In Case Result Positive
https://theonion.com/new-clearblue-test-comes-with-flight-voucher-in-case-result-positive/
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The Only News Source. Run by da-ta/Auriali.
The Only News Source. Run by da-ta/Auriali.
New Clearblue Test Comes With Flight Voucher In Case Result Positive
https://theonion.com/new-clearblue-test-comes-with-flight-voucher-in-case-result-positive/
Special Report By The Wasted Onion: Jeffalo Executes Half Of Wasteof Discord Server Members By Firing Squad
Trump Boasts About Strong-Arming Trump Into Pausing Tariffs
https://theonion.com/trump-boasts-about-strong-arming-trump-into-pausing-tariffs/
Trump Boys Hook Dollar Bill Up To Potato To Make Cryptocurrency
https://theonion.com/trump-boys-hook-dollar-bill-up-to-potato-to-make-cryptocurrency/
Special Report By The Wasted Onion: Nintendo Increases Price Of Mario Kart World In U.S. To $8,999,999 Due To Tariffs
Reports indicate there will not be any Nintendo Switch 2 games that cost 9 million dollars.
Man Who Bumped Tesla While Parallel Parking Sentenced To Death
https://theonion.com/man-who-bumped-tesla-while-parallel-parking-sentenced-to-death/
The Doctors Telling Us Not To Drink Our Urine Probably Just Want It For Themselves
https://theonion.com/the-doctors-telling-us-not-to-drink-our-urine-probably-just-want-it-for-themselves/
Special Report By The Wasted Onion: Prices At Trump Merch Store Set To Triple Because Of Tariffs
NEW YORK—In response to sweeping tariffs rocking markets worldwide imposed by President Donald Trump, the Trump Store has announced prices of Trump merchandise will triple. “After assessing the potential impact of tariffs and evolving market conditions, we have made the difficult decision to increase our prices,” said Trump Organization spokesperson Mia Karnow at a press event outside Trump Tower. “While we understand the frustration many customers may feel, we are dedicated to providing President Trump’s merchandise at the fairest price possible. From world-famous Make America Great Again hats, to the renowned Trump body pillow.” Karnow added that price increases were due to 46% tariffs imposed on imports from Vietnam and difficulties finding children poor enough to work in manufacturing the merchandise. Concluding the press event, Mrs. Karnow announced that JD Vance branded couches sold on the Trump Store would now be sold at a 99% discount.
This stories headline was written and suggested by @engineerrunner, thank you!
Via ClickHole: Fascinating: The ‘Little Boy’ Who Elon Musk Keeps Bringing To Meetings At The White House Is Actually His Grandfather, Not His Son
https://clickhole.com/fascinating-the-little-boy-who-elon-musk-keeps-bringing-to-meetings-at-the-white-house-is-actually-his-grandfather-not-his-son/
From The Archives: Economists Warn Americans That Money Withering To Ash In Their Hands Could Be Sign Of Recession
https://theonion.com/economists-warn-americans-that-money-withering-to-ash-i-1844931114/
Trump Assures Wall Street He’ll Go Back To Just Fucking Over Poor People Soon
https://theonion.com/trump-assures-wall-street-hell-go-back-to-just-fucking-over-poor-people-soon/
Special Report Via The Hard Times: Epstein Island Only Place Unaffected By Trump Tariffs
https://thehardtimes.net/culture/epstein-island-only-place-unaffected-by-trump-tariffs/
Israel Claims Slain Palestinian Rescue Workers Didn’t Properly Identify Selves As Human Beings
https://theonion.com/israel-claims-slain-palestinian-rescue-workers-didnt-properly-identify-selves-as-human-beings/
Washington Monument Collapses After Someone Pulls Loose Block
https://theonion.com/washington-monument-collapses-after-someone-pulls-loose-block/
Attorney General Seeks Death Penalty For All UnitedHealthcare Customers
https://theonion.com/attorney-general-seeks-death-penalty-for-all-unitedhealthcare-customers/
