A programmer puts two glasses on his bedside table before going to sleep.
A full one, in case he gets thirsty, and an empty one, in case he doesn't.
Debugging is like being the detective in a crime movie where you're also the murderer at the same time.
A man is smoking a cigarette and blowing smoke rings into the air. His girlfriend becomes irritated with the smoke and says "Can't you see the warning on the cigarette pack? Smoking is hazardous to your health!" to which the man replies, "I am a programmer. We don't worry about warnings; we only worry about errors."
"Honey, go to the store and buy some eggs."
"OK."
"Oh and while you're there, get some milk."
He never returned.
Four engineers get into a car. The car won't start.
The Mechanical engineer says "It's a broken starter".
The Electrical engineer says "Dead battery".
The Chemical engineer says "Impurities in the gasoline".
The IT engineer says "Hey guys, I have an idea: How about we all get out of the car and get back in".
"Can I tell you a TCP joke?"
"Please tell me a TCP joke."
"OK, I'll tell you a TCP joke."
"Can I tell you a TCP joke?"
"Please tell me a TCP joke."
"OK, I'll tell you a TCP joke."
Judge: "I sentence you to the maximum punishment..."
Me (thinking): "Please be death, please be death..."
Judge: "Learn Java!"
Me: "Damn."
A perfectionist walked into a bar... apparently, the bar was not set high enough.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Recursion.
Recursion who?
Knock knock.
If Bill Gates had a dime for every time Windows crashed ... Oh wait, he does.
How do you tell HTML from HTML5?
- Try it out in Internet Explorer
- Did it work?
- No?
- It's HTML5.
I've got a really good UDP joke to tell you but I don’t know if you'll get it.
My wife is really mad at the fact that I have no sense of direction.
So I packed up my stuff and right.
UDP is better in the COVID era since it avoids unnecessary handshakes.