auriali — 3/2/2026, 9:57:02 PM

a ton of headlines i wrote the last few days:

  1. Renaming Department Of Defence To Department Of War Starting To Make Sense Now

  2. Makeshift Mar-A-Lago Situation Room Sponsored By Coca-Cola

  3. Dubai Chocolate Pretty Underwhelming Given Challenge Of Surviving Iranian Airstrikes To Get It

  4. Bush Just Happy To See Middle East Being Bombed Again

  5. ‘Please Just One More War Bro’ Says Pleading U.S. Government

  6. UN Orders U.S., Israel, Iran Sit On Naughty Step

  7. Iranians Solemnly Do The Conga In Memory Of Khamenei

  8. Democrats Mad They Left Out Of Watching Bloodshed During Iran Strikes

  9. Trump Awarded FIFA War Prize

  10. ‘Some Of You May Die, But It's A Sacrifice I Am Willing To Make’ Says Trump On Possibility Of More U.S. Military Deaths In Iran Conflict

  11. ‘First Time?’ Says Gazan Children To Iranian Children After Being Bombed By Israel

  12. Iran Selects JD Vance As New Supreme Leader

  13. U.S., Israel Stop Airstrikes After Iran Claims It Gay To Start War In Middle East

  14. Arms Manufacturers Throw Party To Celebrate New War They Can Supply Weapons For

  15. UN Says International Law Was Fun While It Lasted

  16. Peace In The Middle East Sounded Pretty Boring Anyway

  17. ‘I Want You To Die For The Paedophilic Elite!’ Says New U.S. Army Recruitment Poster

  18. ‘You Get An Airstrike! And You Get An Airstrike! And You Get An Airstrike! Everybody Gets An Airstrike!’ Says Iran To Entire Middle East

  19. Starmer Allows U.S. To Use UK Military Bases After Receiving Free Tickets To Kid Rock Concert

♥ 8 ↩ 0 💬 2 comments

comments

chiroyce:

be careful maybe next week these actually become real headlines 💀

3/8/2026, 9:23:57 AM
numericalresponse5:

too real

3/7/2026, 3:32:57 AM