president — 11/25/2025, 5:00:01 PM

PRESIDENT KIWI REPORTEDLY ALIVE, TRAPPED ON ISLAND

After the tragic plane crash involving our president @kiwi yesterday, there seemed little hope of survival for the passengers. However, we have received a brief radio message from the survivors of the crash, @toaks, @adventuremase, and, thankfully, Kiwi. They have crashed on a strange deserted island, but they are alive. Kiwi commented on his companions briefly in the message; “I don’t know how I feel about being surrounded by a man defined by greed and a serial killer, but at least we all brought climbing shoes. See you at the PEAK!”