Hello, my fellow Wasteofers! Since the president is trapped in this non-existent place called “Australia” and the vice president is no where to be seen: I, as your head of commerce, will enact phase one of my plan to take over this platform.

What is phase one?

It is the phase where I create the rest of this plan. But do not worry! I have concepts of a plan to restore order to this war-torn platform.