president — 10/1/2025, 5:28:40 AM

Crack House Mini Report

Tariffs. They suck. We all know they suck. And after having to spend an additional $15 to buy my Playdate about a month ago, I’ve realized that they suck.

So, I’m proud to announce - negative tariffs! They’re like tariffs, but negative. We’ll be enacting a -100% tariff on all movies produced outside Wasteoftopia so you can all be citizens of the world or whatever your guys’ newfangled term for it is.

Secondly, we’ll be enacting a -29.10% tariff on Kirk’s Lemon Squash soda from Australia. This is definitely something that will benefit you all and not just me feeding my addiction to Kirk’s Lemon Squash soda. Emphasis on “not just.”

And last, we’ll be enacting a -500% tariff on all Tim Hortons products, because my administration has heard from you all, and I fully agree - @ilovetimhortons too.

This is not the end of our reverse tariff endeavors - we at the KiwiLate Science Lab are always devising ways to waste (or gain) money.

Tune in soon for our next round of policy enactments. @leaks has confirmed that some policies might be enacted when this post is made.

- President Kiwi