Statement From Clef Bozos, CEO Of The Wasted Onion: I and everyone else at The Wasted Onion would like to send our deepest condolences to TallPeter, his family, friends and running mate Dertermenter. Unfortunately due to being a heartless mega-corporation and monopoly, our condolences are as deep as a puddle, but as the old saying goes, it's the thought that counts, and we think real big here at The Only News Source. Effective immediately, we will withdraw all of our lawsuits against TallPeter and will donate the money from our puppy mill business to the Little People For America charity. We are also appalled to hear that TallPeter was shot near one of our trillion offices, violence is never the answer, unless the violence is against a Palestinian. Finally, while I and TallPeter had our ups and downs over the course of this campaign, I always respected his unwavering commitment to stature, and that is what we here at The Wasted Onion strive for in our reporting, the stature to say and do shit no one could even imagine. May TallPeter rest easy knowing he has a permanent mark on us, in every orifice of our bodies, even the forbidden ones.
