Daily Election Update: As the campaign goes on, candidates have begun using memes to convince citizens to vote for them, causing critical mass cringe events.
Updates from the campaign trail:
Posting to wasteof, Oren thanked the North Korean city Pyongyang for “supporting the best candidate! Long live Kim Jong Un!”
Kiwi was also actively posting on wasteof, saying “i don’t condone voting with alts, but i do condone voting for #kiwilate2025 with alts no one knows about!”
The-Owlsss announced various anti-KyleTech measures, such as buggy Wix features, to prevent similar incident’s like yesterday, where Mr. Tech rushed Owlsss’s stage at a rally.
TallPeter apologised today for misleading the public regarding how tall he was, we’ve yet to hear an apology from him after trying to do our job for us by posting a satire news graphic.
Elsie danced to Saturn by SZA for an entire 1 hour interview with lesser news outlet BBC, leaving the journalist sobbing in the corner of the room.
V1 has once again been mentioned in The Only News Source, proving their campaign isn’t being censored, you’re welcome again.
Pufferfish101007 has lost significant backing after saying they like light mode.
SixFourLu has dropped out of the race after missing a Spanish lesson with their running mate Duolingo, causing SixFourLu to vanish without a trace.
In a turn of good fortune, WannaBeRose didn’t insult us today. The snipers have been told to hold their fire.
i was gonna say “this news source is biased”, but i apologize for almost making this blatantly false accusation, for all the candidates were neutrally made fun of today.
thank you as always for your journalistic contributions
The Wasted Onion is impartial and the best news outlet to grace this feeble world. We will callously rip into the bowels of a story to get to the important truth our readers expect from us, and we have to kill a few puppies to do that, then so be it.
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