absolute cinema, give this man a Pulitzer Prize
By The Wasted Onion: Republicans And Democrats Wasteof Accounts Duke It Out For Coveted ‘Biggest Dweeb’ Award
THE INTERNET—Lashing out at each other with screenshots of news articles with no sources over which political party was more incapable of running the world’s wealthiest country, wasteof fan accounts Republicans and Democrats began fighting a war of words Monday in an effort to be honoured with the platform's “Biggest Dweeb” award. “The LAME-OCRATS and WOKE liberal media would have you believe that KRINGE KAMALA would be a better president than TRUMP! They/them are WRONG! Trump has already done so much for this country unlike SLEEPY JOE,” read a message by the Republicans account, marking a strong start which could win them the award for being completely and utterly batshit weird. “Oh yeah? Well we have facts on our side! You guys have already caused an economic crash and brought back measles. And that reminds me, please remember to DONATE to our fight to wag our fingers at every bad thing Trump is doing! It’s vital you give us your fucking goddamn money, we have THE RIZZ guys,” said a reply from Democrats, which shot the account into the lead after a spike in hospitalisations due to users gritting their teeth to dust from profusely wincing. At press time, when asked by a fellow wasteof user if either of them think their respective parties should refuse money from lobbying groups, both accounts replied “Hell fucking no, give them that sweet moolah” simultaneously.
thank you perrin, my personal fave line I wrote for this was the "they/them are wrong" bit ngl, it's so dumb that it wraps around to being a plausible thing that account would say