auriali — 5/12/2025, 10:27:54 PM

i have a few wasted onion headlines i didn’t think were good enough or i didn’t flesh out before they kinda became irrelevant, so here they are:

  1. Trump And Biden Fall Asleep Together In Each Other’s Arms During Popes Funeral

  2. White House Slams Amazon After Accidental Delivery Of Bottle Of Urine To Mar-A-Lago From Sleep Deprived Delivery Driver

  3. UK Government Successfully Meets 2025 Target To Cut All Homeless People In Half

  4. Lazy Motherfucker Da-ta Finally Makes A Goddamned Wasteof Post

  5. New Pope Leo XIV Is Actually Virgo

  6. Costco Founder To CEO: ‘Even If You Don't Raise The Effing Hot Dog, I Will Kill You.’

  7. Kier Starmer To Be Cast As Headteacher Wagging His Finger While Teenage Boy Stabs His Female Classmates In Adolescence Season Two

  8. JD Vance Releases Debut Kawaii Metal Album Under ‘DJ Vance’ Pseudonym

  9. Glaswegian Invents New Language By Speaking A Little Faster Than Normal

  10. Nintendo Pirates Grand Theft Auto VI

♥ 11 ↩ 0 💬 6 comments

comments

dubstep:

DJ Vance somewhat reminds me of DJ DIESEL, another well-known figure who is a music producer. DJ DIESEL is better known as Shaquille O’Neal, and his career as a Dubstep producer is surprisingly not talked about often. He has collaborated with popular Dubstep artists such as Virtual Riot, Eliminate and more! A DJ Vance and DJ DIESEL collaboration could be quite interesting…

5/19/2025, 2:08:20 PM
chiroyce:

1, 3, 5, and 8 are great ideas lmao

5/13/2025, 12:40:26 PM
engineerrunner:

bold to assume starmer would be there to wag his finger

5/13/2025, 6:34:53 AM
toaks:

3 and 8 are gold

5/13/2025, 4:33:12 AM
sixfourlu:

the dj vance one is really good edit him wearing headphones

5/13/2025, 2:40:59 AM
esben:

four real

5/12/2025, 10:38:26 PM