Special Report By The Wasted Onion: Secret Plot To Undermine Auriali’s Power Revealed After Wasted Onion Journalist Added To Discord Group Chat

WORLDWIDE—In a jaw dropping act of incompetence, a secret plot to weaken Auriali’s power was revealed after a journalist working for The Wasted Onion was added to a Discord group chat. On Monday evening, Timmy Harlow, editor-in-chief and child slave on a cocoa farm in Ghana at The Wasted Onion was added to a Discord group chat named “Auri small group” by @da-ta. It is believed that Mr. Harlow was added unintentionally, after da-ta replied “FUCK” when Mr. Harlow made himself known to the group chat. Other participants of the group chat included wasteof.money owner @Jeffalo, renowned shrimp enthusiast as well as Vice President @Perrin, and penguin @Esben. The messages broadly focus on a plot to interfere with @Auriali’s perceived growing power that has seen her rename the Universe to “Uwuniverse” and turn off automatic breathing features for humans, replacing it with a subscription service. In adherence to the highest journalistic standards and the dangers to national security if certain portions of the group chat were to be made public, The Wasted Onion has bravely decided to recklessly release the full text conversations without redactions.