I am very sorry for your loss. Truly a devastating event, and one hard to go through. Suicide of a loved one is always hard, and I know from experience. I know how it feels to watch someone die while you hold them, or watch their brains splatter against a wall. It is a truly heartbreaking thing, and I hope you can find enough energy to keep going. Rest in peace, Ratio. And though I never knew Ratio personally, I wish I had an opportunity to, because they sounded like a wonderful person. I will try my best to remember Ratio, because even when people die, they still deserve to live through other people’s memories and experiences.