trying not to be suicidal is impossible when i’m stuck in a house with my mom and she keeps on saying that I should not be a mess and that I should behave. I’m trying to behave and stop being a mess but i keep on getting memories of the fights my mom had with her 20 million boyfriends and that one fight that sadly ended my dad’s life. She has made my life impossible to live and I still want to die just so I can end the pain that I have been dealing with. Hoping that I will never see my mom again knowing that she is a abuser, a lier, a bitch and a hoe, and just a fucked up person in general. But no matter how many times I cut myself hoping I can die I still somehow live on just to deal with more shit